Men's Health Rejection! (Reader Submission)

Yes, word of FlatOutRejected.com and the hilarity contained within its pixels has spread like wildfire and captured the hearts of creatives everywhere. As evidence, I present to you FlatOutRejected.com's first reader submission. Now aren't you ashamed that it wasn't you at the head of this line?

Without further ado:

I've been published in the Windy Hill Review, a publication of University Wisconsin Waukesha--a community college. The next step? Men's Health. I'll just bypass all those smaller publications who aren't worthy of my talent and target the big fish. Men's Health will welcome me with open arms--just like Gordon Gecko welcomed Bud Fox.

Like a good student of the game, I researched query letters and spent a good while crafting three paragraphs par excellence to the editor of Men's Health.

To my amazement, I got a quick, positive response.

What happened next is a blur. To this day I can't bring myself to read what I wrote. All I know is that there is a Men's Health folder on my computer with 13 drafts written over the course of two days. There's also the letter I wrote with the manuscript explaining that I could not meet the word count requirement I had set for myself. How embarrassing. In 13 drafts I couldn't cut out 600 words?

It took longer to receive the rejection than it did to get the go ahead to write the thing in the first place. Meanwhile, the Men's Health folder on my computer remains unmodified since November 19, 2003.